Apocalypse (later)

From the eyes of the sun, the breath of the life-giver’s hands,

Up a scummy river running from the dark ages of man, 

Through the black liver into the heart of the land,

Wind through the back pages of Sin City,

Where the bad girls always look pretty,

Store clerks stand shifty, glass of water costs ten fifty, 

The malt liquor pours gritty through the gutter, it’s shitty,

Witty St. Ides grumbles and mumbles, fumbles his cardboard sign while his followers stumble 

humbles himself irresponsibly watching the world around him crumble,

.

A bad day could become your worst dream,

A jab here could bring an OD or HIV,

.

Unfold and watch the candle flicker, melt the paint on your heart ticker,

Blood upon the walls of the inside of your head, 

while your worst demons summon you forth, 

like they conjured this world to hear your report,

Hear you scream and yell in hell, retort,

The well is poisoned and we did it to ourselves,

I heard the good book say we gotta do for self, 

“All souls must die to see heaven” and that’s why I’ve been shooting tar & ice behind the 7-11,

.

Apocalypse is looming, like bad cops brewing worse coffee, (on their knees begging for a raise)

China selling us ad-hoc psy-op social media poppy craze,

Opiate of the masses akin to a cellphone haze, 

Verbal diarrhea won’t be stopping ’til we babble our way through Babylon,

Watching White house pay brown men to mow their lawn,

Cockroaches crab along, grab what they can and bury themselves in the sand,

Alice drinks and drugs her way through wonderland,

And I still wonder where the thunder lands after Zeus or God strikes us six feet under, man

But to tell you the truth this torture scene is boring me 

and I can’t give credence to another gory scene, but I have to…

On stage it’s an onslaught, rusty blade cutting tongues, pharm pillow smothers me numb, spade keeps diggin’ farther from the sun,

Behind curtains, bare souls be forgiven, a mother hugging children, affection tenderly won, offstage we’re sincere,

Exit to the center, shedding our dramas and tears, 

Rehab center takes a quarter year, all the dope, a few hopes and fears

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The world tests me, I attest to thee,

If they arrest me, they’ll be undressing me,

If I burn, I burn

Thru darkness 

Throwing light,

’til I learn, I’ll learn,

Through dark nights, I yearn, 

Making light through my urn.

Save Your Praise (For My Funeral)

White knuckle the wheel ’til my hands turn numb

Keep driving along ’til I can’t see the sun,

Hitchhiker flags me down with their thumb

I fill up on gas ‘n grab the highway bum

.

There’s box of cash beneath the dash

An eye on my gun, it’s right near my ass

Old timer offers twenty, I say, “Keep yer money buddy,

For we’re headed off to the land o’plenty!”

.

Hands a bit shakey from straightening my bends

I hear the road goes forever and the party never ends

Too much candy, nothing ever lasts

I can sure outrun depression when I drive real fast

.

Driving alone, CHP don’t look twice

Away I roll, throwing blacktop dice

For those who know, it’s a Jefferson State of mind

Fingers crossed these brokers arrive on time

.

Good gal tells me that I’m doin’ great

I say, “Save your praise for my funeral, babe”

Sweet lady tells me when I make a mistake

I tell her, ” You can save the blame for my wake.”

.

Oregon men, two dead in the mountains,

by the hands of a cartel, down south it’s hot as hell,

Some call it mountain justice, some call it high treason

Police and KKK are just begging for a reason

(And in Mexico, it’s year-round gringo hunting season.)

.

Another smokey day, another burnin’ dollar

Out here you hear the wind make the wildfires holler

No angel’s tear could put out this Earthly squaller

It’s a star-spangled sinking, and we bailing out the water

.

.

.

(Alternate verse:

Hands a bit shakey from workin’ out my bends

I got too high with some help from my friends

Too much rock candy, way up on the mountain

I outrun my tears, like water from a fountain )

Loose concepts gathered for wizard tales

Any of y’all Witches and wizards have past life recall or visits to heaven/hell realms and other such oddities while deeply immersed in a hole?

I recently had a combo of sleep deprivation and heavy psychedelic exploration, topped it all off with an extended period of S-iso intake, saw (what I believed to be) ancient soul relatives, mostly sailors and pirates from years long gone.

Something in the indulgence of this salty psychedelic reminded me of snorting the sea itself, the wobbling sea-legs, the garbled drunken speech…

And moreover, I felt as though some pieces of my own soul had become retrieved.

Of course I love to indulge in insanity and magic, and I still hold a grain of salt for the sake of the skeptic view… of course I’m living in a grand delusion, call it reality and hoist the colors

All that said, I’m curious to hear about the experiences of others and perhaps relate some more of my own..

I went to Hell once and reconnected with some soul brother, named Daniel, and he’s a demon, and my job is to help jailbreak him from Hell and his job is to bring me to Hell, clever.

I started into Chöd practice (vajrayana practice for feeding your demons & transforming them into allies, wrathful guardians of the way)

Cus angels & demons are not two

Anyway, while in hell, the usual spells and mantras did not work and my magic was generally banned,

Furthermore I was humiliated by Satan and this demon got a grip on me (cus I let him in)

It’s cool, we’re buds now,

Ayahuasca helped me begin the conflict resolution and help my demon bud with his jailbreak

But it wasn’t exactly a smooth ride, I turned into a werewolf and got the pentagram and goat horns all in my visions awhile and just had to sit neutral stance and not eat anyone or cause any harm

Copyrighted all this on my blog btw, comment if ya want links

Mopping Up the Killing Floor

I thought about killing the devil 

I thought about killing you 

I thought about killing Jesus, Buddha, and the President too

.

I thought about melting forks, knives, and spittoons,

Into bullets to shoot all dishes that run with the spoons

I thought about missiles headed straight to the moon

Drowning all stars beneath black ocean blues

.

I thought about syringes full of air and gasping to breathe,

I thought about funerals, tears, and flowery wreaths,

I thought about bones, flesh, and the pain that we weave,

And giving everyone their permanent relief

 

.

I thought about fury that resides inside me

And decided these demons comprise only half of me.

In sympathy I allow them to take refuge within, never giving what they want, but what they need instead.

(Family, law, savior & way).

.

On the way to glory, we may find terrible sin

Redemption can follow, when we let light in

Place down our weapons, ’til anger does not rise

This eternal battle is a clever disguise.

. 

“Be ye wise as serpents

And gentle as doves” 

Holy Spirit whispers gently,

“So below as above.”

.

May the muses always whisper truth upon your ear,

Because the devil gives wet willies, only tells what we want to hear.

Truth hides in plain sight, not far, always near 

Love endures all pain, anything less: imprisonment by fear.

.

I give away what I love

When it doesn’t want to be near

I set free what I cherish

And release all that is dear

.

If I wait in vain,

And lose what I earn

I’ll cherish the ashes

And empty the urn.

Heaven & Hell Are in the Mind

An Essay on Psychological Integration From Within a Fractured Culture

As some of you know, I’ve had my battles with addiction and personal demons. We share the struggles of life, though they take on different forms.

Where substances of abuse are concerned, the last decade of my life has been lived in tension, twisting between states of attachment and avoidance. When I give myself fully to self-indulgence, I become controlled by my passions. When I completely negate my cravings and avoid the triggers, I am still being controlled by my addiction from the opposite side: aversion.

A guitar string is tuned to make music; I feel as though this tension pulls my soul taught, creating sound that gives meaning to suffering. I am no longer addicted to the substances, it’s the tension and cycle of inner conflict I have begun to crave. I fear that if I lose it, I will lose myself, my ambitions, my inspiration. Losing the tension between personal Heaven and personal Hell, I feel as though the world will simply dissolve.

To become free of this cycle, I address the underlying cause, starting by questioning the culture I identify with.

The general western mythos is one of heroism: the knight slays the dragon. Hercules removes a Hydra head and two appear in its place. In battle, our hero learns that he can stop new heads from sprouting by cauterizing the stump. He cuts off each head, one-by-one, burning the stumps until one remains. This final head is the root demon. It is immortal.

Since Hercules cannot kill the final head, he removes and buries it, banishing it into an Earthly prison, where it still lives to this day.

Christian mythology approaches the devil in a similar way: you go to keep the Devil down in the hole. If you remember the story, God creates the Angels. His favorite one, the most perfect, is guilty of a cardinal sin: spiritual pride. This Angel goes astray, much like the mind of a man driven to greed by material excess. He forgets his place in the whole, rejects the natural order, and creates for himself (and all others who follow his example, including a good many who don’t) a world of suffering.

Our culture is born from this mythology and as much as we try to separate from it, it has laid the foundation for our cultural understanding. By way of cause and effect, our history shapes the world we see today. We can choose science & atheism, but we cannot deny that our roots play a large part in our overall cultural behavior.

In the mind of a schizophrenic patient, there can be multiple personalities dissociated from one-another, yet they are all operating inside one mind. Analogously, Angels and Demons are all aspects in the mind of God.

Just as our conscious, subconscious, and unconscious states are operating from the same mind, the Angels and Demons are no more separate from God than a drop of water is from the ocean.

I am not giving fault to God. I am simply advocating for us to respond to the conflict with empathic action. Consider that God requires our help as much as we require His. Consider that it is our duty to feed the Devil not what he wants, but what God needs of Him, and what the Devil needs of himself. We are able to be transform our demons and integrate these fragments of ourselves into one complete, harmonious mind.

This separation of Lucifer from God causes the duality of Heaven and Hell. God banishes His faulty components to lower realms, the realm of subconscious & unconscious, where destructive behavior and primordial impulses wreak havoc.

In this same way, we cast our demons away when we encounter them. We repress and suppress our darkest impulses. From this darkness, they can wreak havoc upon our lives.

Ever wonder why you get triggered randomly? Why lose your temper? Why you ruin promising relationships? Why you seek to numb your feelings just so you can get through your shift at work?

It’s simply because we choose not to be conscious of our darkness. We turn the lights off, pull the shades, and numb ourselves.

When we become aware of our darkness, our demons & dragons, we can begin to heal & reintegrate them, resolving their conflict, forgiving them, transforming them, and placing them back into Heaven’s kingdom (into the realm of conscious understanding.)

If Hercules had resolved to tame the Hydra, he could’ve put it to much better use. If God chooses to look empathically inside Lucifer, to see himself suffering in a world of hellfire, and then resolve the conflict and welcome Lucifer back home, the fracture between worlds can be healed. The Devil wants to be better than God, but what he needs is trust and humility. How would the Devil feel if he were trusting/trusted and humble? Understood & loved, at peace & whole, and at last, dissolved.

Hell’s Canyon would no longer be filled with cries of agony; it will be embalmed in a calm & cool silence, like a soft desert wind. In this same way, our own peace of mind can be initiated.

The world as we know it rests upon this tension. This unifying of conscious and unconscious will mark the end of life as we know it. It’s a step toward power, but also a step into the vast unknown.

This fear of the unknown keeps most of here, cycling between states of addiction and aversion, depression and elation, war and peace. I often fail to transcend my own force of habit for fear I will dissolve completely without the tension. No sound will be heard, no world will exist without this suffering I cling to. Both Heaven and Hell must renounce their bitter feud; it’s not enough to consider only one side.

When we can resolve our own inner opposition, we can resolve our inner conflict en masse. I expect the outer results would show themselves as a much different world than the one we know today.

-JR

Love’s Divorce

If you were a worm

I’d give you the plow

I would forgive you

If I knew how

.

My hands are sweaty

From a loving disease 

I’m writing you letters

That you’ll never read

.

I clutch in my hand

This arrow of spite

I’ll rip through your heart

With vengeful delight

.

Blood tastes bitter

When spilled for love

I am the snake

And you are the dove

.

I hunt in the hollow

Your scent makes me ill

I need your confession

Before I can kill

.

With fervor, I follow

Your sweet siren sound

As you pluck out my soul

Like a rose from the ground

.

The snake will starve

Cut off from the source

The dove will wither

From love’s divorce

.
Snow falls upon seeds

Come spring they’ll start

A sweet flower blooms

From a wound in the heart

Talkin’ Lazy Sunday Orwellian Blues

I heard there were riots in France over expensive petrol

Meanwhile in America, old dinosaurs still got soul

Frack those titties, twerk that cigarette, dab that motor oil

Gas is cheap, what a sign of relief!

We’re on a MOTHER-FUCKING winning streak

(Cowardly lions eating the meek)

dreamers, cast your wishes

And let’s treat the world as our sink

Leave it full’a dirty dishes!

Hakuna Matata, you peasants & bitches!

Here, in the Center of the Universe,

Old-timers be talkin’ fear, uncertainty, retraction

Young folk talkin’ apathy, depression, distraction

World leaders spittin’ discord, division, abstraction

While some no-good, low-down transient heathen bums

Still believin’ that bangin’ that old revolution drum

Is gonna make change come, (like Don on Stormy’s face)

Talkin’ wrenches, talkin’ sparks,

Talkin’ starve the mule, tame the ox in the dark,

Eat the elephant with a silver spoon

Talkin’ some day soon, we’ll get ‘em soon

Talkin’ light, talkin’ passion, talkin’ silent disco passes

Talkin’ awakening, talkin’ social justice, talkin’ action

Dear God, please don’t bother me with tomorrow

It’s Sunday.

We ain’t got time for all this worldly sorrow.

I work all week

There’s football

And beer

And shopping malls

8-balls and cue balls

Nacho cheese fountains

Spray tan booties and shaved balls

And dorito cheetoh frito chex-mix mountains,

I wanna climb ‘em all

Let’s drive

Let’s burn

Feast, feast, and feast

‘til we eat ourselves alive

The whole buffet, even the doctors ‘n priests

Wondering,

What is it for?

What else could I be here for?

Why, on God’s green earth

Is all this money waiting in the dirt?

In America, even if you’re poor

You’re still rich,

richer than most of the world

So give thanks, you son of a bitch

‘Cus Uncle Sam needs help diggin’ this ditch.

Mock & Awe (Or Instant Gratifuckation For a Facebook Generation)

(Rough cut)

.

If misery loves company

Suffering deserves a parade

Can you believe your life isn’t butter?

Mine’s fuckin’ marmalade

.

Got food, got water, got clothes, got ends

Got words, got time, bad jokes, good friends

Holdin’ our hats straight into the winds-

We’re sellin’ fame to the nameless and faith to the faceless

.

Cus blood is raceless like

New-Agers are baseless

Run my tongue through empty places

In teeth, pockets, ear-holes, & faces

.

Want true religion? Buy my book, forget thyself!

You’re sick, you’re battered, you need my help!

Trust no words & pursue true wealth

Keep reading more for a ladder into Hell

.

People won’t like you forever

And Deepak Chopra can’t make you better

Positive thoughts will change with the weather

Hang tough, remember: pain beget pleasure

.

Follow the threads, unravel the sweater

Religion aims to negate sense pleasure

While ad execs tryin’ to get to know you better

I’ll be knittin’ a shield if the weather gets wetter

.

A million ways to get paid and slain,

Punished by time, fines, and canes

Whipped in the gallows and tricked on the plains

Illusion makes slaves from both the sick and sane

.

Loss found himself cheated by Gain

Just as Abel was murdered by Cain

Praise was accosted and accused by Blame

While Infamy slandered Fame’s good name

.

Follow the muff, and swallow the bluff,

They say, “death is emptiness, life is hollow ‘n stuff

Fuck for a thrill, better live & shoot to kill

Life is a boot made for walkin’, footed by a physical bill!”

.

Advertisements wherever we go

Coulda traded bitcoin for a house in Oswego

I put all my savings on a Hail Mary free throw

While a little distracted from TV static free flows

.

How many likes to get to the center of an ego?

One, two, three, leggo my eggo & pass the chorizo

Blame chemtrails, chemfood, chemdrugs & tv shows

Cheap Neanderthal thrills for the man from Encino

.
Before we go, some questions burning up my loins:

How does a nation under God divorce its coin?

How come the news makes everyone paranoid?

Why does post-industry man seem to destroy?

.
How many dimes dropped before a banker’s fined?

How much vegan coke gets a burner high?

How much acid turns your problems wise?

How much medicine heals a sick twisted mind?

.

Tighten up the space and loosen the form

Our peasant hopes and dreams seem to feed worms

Persistently, our ideas spread like seeds on fallow farms

Resilient and firm, our love carries no harm.

Opiate Detox Recipe (At Home With the Blinders Up)

Disclaimer: This detox protocol is for informational and literary purposes only.

This information is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. All information presented here is not meant as a substitute for or alternative to information from healthcare practitioners. Please consult your healthcare professional about potential interactions or other possible complications before using any product.

I assume no responsibility for what you do with this information.

Deal?
Let’s go.

NEW LEGAL ADDITIONS TO YOUR TOOL KIT!

-Akuamma Seeds- Picralima Nitida

Akuammine is an opioid antagonist with low affinity, selective for the mu-opioid receptor, when tested in vitro.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akuammine

-Syrian Rue- Peganum Harmala

Known to interact with opioid receptors & reduce w/d symptoms in lab rats. This is an MAOI so don’t combine with certain medications.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3841998/

-Kanna- Sceletium Tortuosum

Known to function as a natural SSRI, mild euphoria, mood stabilizer.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3828542/

-Kra Thum Khok- Mitragnya Hirsuta

Close relative to mitragnya speciosa. Milder in effect but similar presence of alkaloids. Great alternative to kratom (should it become unavailable), and useful for tapering off kratom (similar to stem & vein kratom).

-Chuchuhuasi- Maytenus Krukovii

Natural pain reliever.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7033668

_________________________________________________________________________

Before I get into this, here’s a basic rundown of my detox protocol:

1.) Start taking adaptogenic herbs two weeks before your kick. Use them on through the next two months, as needed.

2.) Start taking kratom when you’re ready to kick.

3.) Take kratom for the duration of your w/d (5-7 days for heroin, 2-4 weeks for suboxone, etc.)

4.) After opiate w/d is complete, begin detoxing from the kratom. Order “stem & vein” kratom

Dear Opiate addict friends,

I know some of you want to get off your habit. Maybe you don’t want to go to rehab because they’ll forever banish you from the glorious kingdom of doctor prescribed painkillers.

I mean, what if you get really fucked up? Like, shanked in a bar fight and staph starts creeping up your pelvis. Your asshole is throbbing in the ER, and the doctor looks at your chart and sez,

“Aw, another junkie. Give him some naproxen and a salt tablet. He’ll walk it off.”

You better have a good bedside manner with them doctors or they won’t give you much.

So I get it. You wanna kick at home. Maybe get high on weekends still? Go on a quick spin dry cycle to get your tolerance down so you can actually afford and enjoy your habit again. No? That doesn’t sound good? You actually want to be clean? Cool.

You’re pretty gangster when you’re high but you’re not thug enough to kick cold turkey. That’s fine. I have a way out that’s not as painful as some. Only thing is, this involves the use of multiple other addictive drugs. So, remember the cross-tolerance factor and don’t be a train jumpin’ junkie hobo, hoppin’ cabooses from smack to crack to booze, shopping, coffee GOD & cigarettes.

Use these drugs for your kick and drop ‘em when you’re done. You’ll figure your life out if you can ride out the detox and the herbs will put a good bounce in your step. Sound good?

Step One:

Get money. Go shopping.

Here’s my list:

Kratom

Gabapentin

Clonidine

Hydroxyzine (or Diphenhydramine)

Phenibut HCL

Benzos

Psychedelics

Cannabis/Hemp

Loperamide

Multivitamins

Comfort food

Herbal meds:

Ashwagandha

Ginseng

Kava

Scullcap

St. John’s Wort

Medicine Rundown

-Kratom (leaf)-

It’s very affordable. Reddit has a kratom vendor list. Google that shit. I like white vein for energy, green vein for pain. Don’t pay more than $120 for a kilo. Depending on your habit, you may need to take more frequent amounts. Mix it with grapefruit juice (enzyme potentiates the effect and duration).

TAKE CHARCOAL PILLS IF YOU HAVE TAKEN TOO MUCH KRATOM!
Combined with ginger, this will eliminate the sea-sickness. Too much kratom sucks. You will get sick, dizzy, vomit.

Now, this next one is very important to getting off kratom painlessly:

-Kratom (stem & vein)-

Has a low presence of alkaloids and is used to cut tolerance and (reasonably) painlessly engage withdrawal. You can start by cutting your usual kratom dose with stem & vein, gradually moving to taking only stem & vein. You should be able to stop completely without any major symptoms.
Research it. Reddit has some good intel on this.

-Akuamma Seeds-

Contains similar opioids-agonist alkaloids as kratom, in lower concentrations. Can be used to disrupt a kratom habit but will cause dependence.

-Gabapentin, Clonidine, Hydroxyzine-

These are available by prescription only. Your doctor ought to fork these over if you tell him about what’s goin’ on. But yeah, you don’t wanna get blacklisted off narcotic prescriptions so maybe tell him you’re kicking a booze or a cannabis dependency. Gabapentin for restless legs & anxiety. Clonidine for overall withdrawal symptoms (blood pressure medication). Hydroxyzine for anxiety and sleep (anxiolytic anti-histamine).

(If your doctor can’t deliver those, I recommend getting the following substitutes OTC:

-Diphenhydramine [Benadryl]-

Dextromethorphan Hbr (Robitussin… make sure DXM is the ONLY ingredient on the label. The pills are a tad easier to stomach than the liquid.)

-Benzos-

Your mom or grandma probably have some layin’ around. Or your favorite corner boi, if you still have any money left.

You know how it says “Don’t mix this medication with Grapefruit Juice” on the benzo bottle label? Do that. Grapefruit contains an enzyme that potentiates the effect of a wide array of drugs, benzos included. I once got the nickname “Grapefruit” at a rehab center because I was on a heavy benzo taper and hoarded all the grapefruits from the fruit bowl, every fuckin’ morning, sure as the shits. I kept it a secret ‘cus I didn’t want anyone tapping my supply. My peers were confused at my affinity for the bitter fruit. That’s Doctor Grapefruit to you, buddy.

Benzos are habit forming so don’t take for more than a week. Be VERY careful mixing these with the other medications. Go sparingly. Dissolve small doses under your tongue until you feel more… not like a plant that’s turning into a lizard. Y’know? Don’t need to get high. Just need to get… kindasorta normal…ish.

-Phenibut HCL or FAA-

If you can’t get benzos, these are legally available online. They are a nootropic drug developed by the Russians and used on astronauts to help their anxiety. It works similar to benzos, best taken on an empty stomach. The HCL version is highly acidic and harsh on the stomach. The FAA version is neutral PH and easy to stomach although a bit more expensive and slightly less effective. You’ll need a 0.01 scale to measure the powder, a hearty dose of 2000mgs (2 grams) seems sufficient to alleviate detox anxiety. Do not take more than 3000mgs at one time. This stuff is habit forming. Do not take for more than a week.

-Loperamide-

Also sold as Imodium. Not to be underestimated. This is a fentanyl analogue. It can be potentiated with quinine (found in tonic water). Figure out your own dosage; likely you’ll need to take 3-4x the recommended amount for the first 3 days. Don’t take high doses for more than a week.

-Multivitamins & Comfort food-

Self-explanatory. I like whole food (not the store) vitamins and lukewarm soup.

-Psychedelic Micro-dosing-

Works well for immediate symptoms and post-acute. Seems to have adaptogenic properties. I’ve known folks to microdose with any psychedelics available, with moderate to excellent results. Be careful combining Syrian Rue with psychedelics, it will potentiate the drug (especially fungus and vine medicines).

There is plenty of information available on this subject elsewhere (Bluelight & Reddit for anecdotal evidence.)

Step Two:

Prepare for post acute withdrawal by taking herbs immediately (you should’ve been on them already, but that’s ok if you ain’t):

-Ashwagandha, Ginseng, Kava, Scullcap, St. John’s Wort, Turmeric, Rhodiola-

These herbs will help with the post acute withdrawal symptoms. Without any dope in your veins, your brain will be learning to regulate natural production of neurotransmitters. With these tonics we are targeting your nervous and endocrine systems. Ashwagandha and Ginseng are powerful adaptogenic herbs. They’ll help regulate your endocrine system. The Kava and Scullcap are gentler nervine tonics. Helps with anxiety. St. John’s Wort, also gentle, for depression. Rhodiola is powerful and helps immensely with energy and clarity, cannot be understated. Turmeric, gentle, for pains and mood (best taken with hot water, heavy cream, and black pepper).

Combine your doses with a pinch of crushed black pepper to increase overall bioavailability (or just order piperine).
Take as directed, multiple times a day. Take for at least two weeks up to three months. Most of these need at least a week of daily consumption to start working well.

Pick the herbs that work best for you (will require experimentation), take notes, pay attention. Don’t take more than three different herbs at each dosing. Herbs are powerful; they can have adverse effects. Pay close attention to how your body reacts. Take them between meals or dissolve the tincture under your tongue with water.

Step Three:

Engage Withdrawal

The basic rigamarole is- STOP DOING DOPE. No more. Embrace the suck. You’ll be okay. Gotta earn your life back and stop being a goddamn puppet slave.

Try to exercise, get some yoga in, go to a sauna and sweat… or build your own sauna steam bath at home in the shower. Get that shit outta you. Drink lots of water. Hit some Gatorade. Smoke a lotta weed. Read a book. Rant in your journal or blast something on a canvas. Cry a whole bunch. You’re supposed to be purging. Break down… and then you’ll be treated to a break through. You’re rebuilding on a cellular level. You are turning from a plant back into a mammal. Fucking hurts.

You should be able to transition off the dope and onto the kratom without a whole lot of discomfort. You may have to take a lot (depending on your habit) and it won’t be easy to stomach at first. Use ginger and psyllium husk (or Metamucil) to aid your digestion.

Use benzos/phenibut to help with your anxiety and sleep. Do not take more than 3000mg in one go. A safe and effective dose for w/d anxiety is 1000mg – 2000mg.

After you’ve taken kratom for at least four days straight, you should have effectively disrupted your dope habit. Now you can taper off the kratom slowly, cut it with stem & vein, or just jump straight off and get it over with. Your call.

In the event you get stuck on kratom for a month or two, don’t worry. Progress, not perfection. But I can tell you from personal experience, your intestines get mighty backed up swallowing all that green powder. It starts to make you physically ill and your body rejects it. It’s best to kick it when it’s your decision. A kratom kick lasts anywhere from 3-6 days.

If you haven’t gotten addicted to kratom, congratulations! You’re ready to get through a few shitty days of your asshole falling out and your face dripping onto the floor. It’s okay. You’re gonna get through this and what doesn’t kill ya, doesn’t kill ya.

Now you can begin to really reap the benefit of the herbs. Take plenty of showers, walk when your legs get restless, and overall THUG IT OUT! Get through it. You are tough. You will make it and you will earn balance through perseverance! Also, I love you. I’m here to help. Ask questions if you have any.

By the end of the first ten days, you should be good. Stop taking all the auxiliary drugs, even if they seemed fun. Keep taking the herbs. Start eating healthy. Brush your teeth. Take showers. Go to an NA meeting if that’s your thing. Don’t hang around with your junkie friends. Hang tough.

If ya can’t seem to kick it still, there are Ibogaine clinics in Canada and Mexico. They last about a week and run between $3,000 – $8,000. They seem to have great results if you’ve got the coin. Ayahuasca also has reported abilities to pull your head out of your ass and put the fear of God into you. The same with most other psychedelics. Yoga & Vipassana work wonders as well but they’re slower. Consider these approaches if you need a psycho-somatic reboot. Don’t go it alone if you’re not experienced and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Reddit, Erowid, and Bluelight have great forums for addiction support.

Lovin’ you,

Dr. Grapefruit Fuckoff, PhD NFA

Sour Mash Doubts

Doubts and guilt, doubts and will

I want a bout with honesty, but still

It ain’t right that I write only to share,

so I walk ‘til I’m naked, alone, and scared

 

Working on a world made up of lines

a jagged sawtooth, I am dusty hammer tines

aging slowly, rusting like nails in the times

relevance buried in the “who, what, where, why?”

 

I watch you succeed, I watch you spiral and fail

I watch you unbridled, through a window unveiled

This whole time, we thought our calling had sailed

It was tomorrow we were following, on road & on trail

 

Yesterdays poem becomes todays advice,

biting me in the ass, these words I read twice,

You counted the cards ‘n I loaded the dice

Who could expect an asshole to play nice?

 

Every bee stung me, walking to the hive

I can tell you that I’m lucky to be alive

Back on battlegrounds we strive to survive

Us crossing lines, so quick to chance lives

 

I chamber a round, ‘cus death shoots hollows

Most men just want a war drum to follow

To give them some honor, sacrifice, and bravado

warping the story ‘til each man is Picasso

 

The drones are marching through sweltering heat

While others dodge illusion and deceit

They see a carpet crawling, rats up to their knees

Fighting for a feast while spreading disease

 

One beer at a time, one breath at a time,

Wasting money, it’s peace I can’t buy-

Could you spare a little peace of mind?

Or else cut a line and pour me some wine

 

If you accept my conditions of suffering,

I’ll accept myself and everyone else

I am my own hostage, couldn’t you tell

Pay my ransom or throw me in the well!

 

Envious of those who grow rich beyond riches

knees grow weary, digging penniless ditches

Rolling the bowl, inhale both genie & wishes

Life is joke between three laughing witches

 

Mash in the chamber, I am the changer

my experiences distilled be the only remainder,

Gulping and splashing drops upon strange anger

sharing libation and handshakes with strangers

 

I walk in the woods to stalk a truth I can kill

I’ll beat it and twist ‘til it lies naked & still-

kill or be killed, fulfilling a beast of will

We’ve got a full bottle and I’m a-cooking still

 

My song is a fly humming through wide open blue

My darling is a harp, playing faithfully and true

My heart is a snake, made of flesh and sinew

We left the apple on the limb, and a new tree grew.