Astrological Happenings 2/26/16

Having a tough time? Is life grinding you against its gears?
Well I have some great news. You are accountable for none of it!
That’s right, all of the bad stuff you perceive to be happening to you can be easily blamed on the planets, moons, and stars!

The Virgo moon was full last week which means that now it is less full.
Tides are changing and winds are blowing for you, which means that life is not remaining at a standstill. On the contrary, everything is moving and changing. Life is not staying where you want it to be and that’s not your fault!
The damn planets keep blowing down your card house every time you get it right! Every sand mansion you build gets eaten by the tides. How rude!

Just as moments of suffering should be underscored in tears,
undetected sarcasm should be outlined with a highlighter!
Sadly, that’s not the way the world works. You see what you see.

To adapt, you must not over-compensate your balance, because this may lead to falling off your yoga mat. But you can’t remain in a standstill as this could lead to stiff muscles. What do you do?

Well now, my dear young wizard/witch, I suggest you go back to your coven, kick over their kool-aid, and go back to your own cave to brew some of your own potion.

This Virgo moon is signifying a time of renewal and transformation, mysterious virgin birth, and breaking free from old structures & forms. As you reflect on the past months of conditioning and brainwashing you’ve undergone (no matter how spiritual it sounded), it is now time to submit yourself to some of your own programming!

If you can’t get hip to that, then my advice to you is to strip yourself down naked where you stand and run 108 circles (counterclockwise) around the nearest state building. This should clear up any lingering insecurities as all the blood flows down from your head into your heart (or genitals).

Channeling our creative force is a must right now, and if your only outlet is pornhub.com, maybe it’s time to go out and meet a nice shiny guy/gal at the nearest coffee shop, dance club, or fetish bar.

If relationships cause you nothing but grief and insecurity, try picking up a medium of art! Maybe you use a hammer and nail, a board with wheels, or maybe you use a pen & paper. The more you become creative & whole, the more Venus will release your sexy pheromones to attract the finest fertile queen honeybees & king workerbees. Now get out there and dip your stinger in some nectar, Facebook!

Fuck the planets, right? They don’t pay taxes like you do!

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Categories: astrology, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Astrological Happenings 2/26/16

  1. Pedro... the cat

    Meow!

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